Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
he fucked my hip out of place.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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