This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
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