Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
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she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
wow bdsm is so cute
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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