There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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