my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
