Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
