I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
