No more Irish car bombs ever.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
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