What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
