He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
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