the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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