Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Randomize
