you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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