stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Randomize
