I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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