So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
operation have a gay friend backfired
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
