Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I'm always down for nudity.
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