I want to make a zoo with you.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
