He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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