so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
