I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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