This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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