I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
