the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
