...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
