Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Randomize
