; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Randomize
