i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
