life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
