Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
When are your genitals available?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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