i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
