Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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