I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
