I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
