I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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