I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
