watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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