me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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