i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
