This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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