Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Randomize
