I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
