You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
