Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
