I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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