just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
