We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
