Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
