remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
