Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
