My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
