you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
