This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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