Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
