if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Randomize
