my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
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