For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
