he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
