the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
