My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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