She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Im just a social blackout drinker.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
