i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
