don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize
