I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
