Umm I'm too high to move.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Randomize
