but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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