fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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