I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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