went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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