I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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