i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
