Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
