He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
