Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize