Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
