our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
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Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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