this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
