i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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