what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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