I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
